My decision to go was really just a defiant act of procrastination. I hadn’t been sure if I wanted to join the group dhow cruise in Musandam, Oman. I’d been on several before so I found them a bit too predictable. However I wanted to avoid writing my tedious university dissertation. So I went. So the mad Escapade began
Let me fast-forward –past the lunch, swim and point where we were dropped on the beach for a BBQ –a BBQ from which we were meant to be collected at 9pm.
“Where’s the boat? He’s not coming back –it’s 3am! We’re abandoned! Alone!”
“I wish we were alone –the thousands of ENORMOUS crabs are freaking me out! They must weigh a few kilos each!”
“Well at least there’ll be food –if things get desperate”
“For us or them?”
Thousands of luminous eyes scuttle around us, dancing devilishly around our surrendering campfire. We know that we have no maps, no water. We know we’ll be sweating in the scorching, sweltering sun tomorrow. We know that we’ve climbed –cautiously avoided the cliffs’ carnivorous crevices and yet, having conquered their cruel challenges, continued to crave reception. No telephone connection. Denied redemption. Our hope a deception! God’s Rejection.
Yes we were feeling rather sorry for ourselves. And perhaps a little melodramatic. As if sensing our desire for melodrama, we suddenly heard our Captain’s wild speedboat whirring towards us, whipping the waves wantonly, when WHACK! Straight into a rudely-protruding rock. The antiquated engine broken by the impact. Wailing! “WAAHH!!!”
Sensing an audience the man fell silent.
Then began laughing hysterically. Giggling, cackling, snorting, wriggling with glee. He wiped the tears from his eyes and, still tittering tipsily, fell out of the boat.
Dramatically crunching seaweed with each climactic step The Sea-Monster reached us at last… The startled crabs, once Bold and Threatening, stood still. Shell-shocked.
With dramatic timing that any actor would envy, he declared:
“Want more whisky!”
Stunned silence. Finally one of our party recovered:
“Where’s our dhow?” The Captain looked at us with the innocent incomprehension of a young child before cheerfully smiling and saying:
“Tomorrow. Now drink. You have whisky?”
Then he gasped, winced and shrieked:
“Forgot anchor dhow! Current take dhow! If goes out of Omani waters –into Irani waters –cannot go there! I swim now!”
“No -you’re drunk!”
The Captain wept “BUT WHISKY ON DHOW!”
With theses words the Captain of Comedy galloped towards the sea -we had to restrain him. Repeatedly. All night.
The morning arrived, the afternoon passed and it fell dark. Eventually the police, who had been alerted by our hotel, arrived. They had also found our wild, escapee dhow!
The company who had organized the trip were very apologetic –so much so that they offered us another free, identical dhow trip! No one else is up for it but I am –I’ll take my camcorder so that I can share this man with the world!
Move over Borat! Move over Manuel!
The Captain is here!
07507 829 341.
(If calling from abroad: 00 44 7507 829 341)
Facetime & WHATSAPP AVAILABLE ON BOTH Numbers.
Skype also available -please send me your Skype ID.
Please email if you don't get through calling -I may be travelling and your missed call may not register.